By: Cole Acker

Transition Can Be Lonely 

One of the things I didn't anticipate about leaving the Air Force was how lonely parts of the transition would feel.

And for me, that started before I ever went on terminal leave.

By that point, I had spent almost a year thinking about retirement. That meant countless hours researching, planning, making appointments, filling out paperwork, and trying to figure out what the next year of my life might look like.

Retirement was constantly on my mind.

But it was not constantly on everyone else's.

The people around me still had jobs to do. They had their own responsibilities, families, problems, and plans.

Meanwhile, I was thinking about what healthcare would look like after I retired, whether I wanted another job, what I was going to do with my time, whether my plans made financial sense, and what life was actually going to look like when the Air Force was no longer part of my everyday routine.

I started feeling like I was living in two different worlds.

I was still in the Air Force.

But mentally, part of me was already leaving.

At the same time, I wasn't really a civilian yet either.

I hadn't started whatever came next.

I was somewhere in between.

And I think that is where some of the loneliness came from.

It wasn't that I suddenly had nobody around me.

I had my wife and daughters. I had friends. I had people at work who cared about me.

I wasn't alone.

But being surrounded by people and having someone who understands what you're going through are two different things.

I don't think I fully understood that until I was in it.

We talk a lot about the practical side of transition.

And we should.

There's a lot to learn and a lot to keep track of.

But somewhere in the middle of doing all of that, you're also slowly separating yourself from a life you may have been living for a very long time.

That part doesn't fit neatly onto a checklist.

Looking back, talking to other people who were transitioning or had already transitioned helped.

Not because they had all the answers.

But sometimes it was enough to hear somebody say, "Yeah, I went through that too."

And I think that's part of why I started writing these emails.

I remember what it felt like trying to figure everything out, and I hope sharing my experiences helps someone else going through it.

And if you eventually find yourself on the other side, remember what this part felt like and reach back to somebody behind you.

Very Respectfully,

Cole Acker